vanity | ( prismatica inbox )

[ Zuko may have a near constant terseness about him, but he’s a transparent guy emotionally — and plenty emotional. Tonight was no exception. He takes a big, deep, not-very-calming breath before beginning his well-planned spiel. Except that’s not what comes out. He’d rehearsed this conversation and now it was all up in the wind. Shit. He’s winging it, trying to grasp on to bits he’d wanted to use from his rehearsal while completely spontaneous words came out instead. He’s bouncing his leg as he talks at first, but catches himself, instead reaching into his pants pocket idly and producing a... pocket lighter? with a tacky blossoming cherry tree design on it. He just fidgets with the lighter nervously for now, rolling it around in his hand as he rambles. This was not going to plan and he hadn’t even asked anything yet. Fuck. ]

So, um... I know you’re the president of your club, and you’re the most popular host or whatever — I mean, not that your club is uh, well— and in any case I know it’s just girls who go there, right? B-But anyway! You know a lot about... romance, and stuff, that’s very different than where I’m from... Some things that aren’t normal there are okay here... And in your world too, I’ve heard. And even though it’s technically not the same world as yours, or I don’t think it is, although it’s still called Japan, I um— I have another Japanese friend and I don’t really know his views on romance at all, really, like in general... But I don’t want to ask him directly cuz— I’ve never talked to him about that kind of thing. So, I was wondering what kind of insight... you could give me. About romance. Like that.

❰ tamaki's gaze remains patient and level as zuko prepares himself -- despite his usually over the top presence, which never truly fades completely, he's still a guy who knows when to get serious and calm. as his friend begins, there's a bloom of pride; a small smile appears on tamaki's face as his eyes close into slight nods. true, true. zuko has come to realize that he is something of an expert when it comes to the sensibilities and aesthetics of romance. he's played matchmaker and untangled a number of relationship threads in his day. ❱

I'll say that it's always good to be specific when it comes to matters of the heart, where there's one person in question. The question that's being begged right now is do you want to know about romance in general...or as it relates to this one person in question?

❰ the pronouns used aren't lost on tamaki, either. hmm. he's never really tried to play love guru to a same-sex situation, but perhaps it will be a test of his skills as a masterful host. nor did he realize that zuko ~~was a homosexual side character~~ had such inclinations. you learn something new every day! ❱ In either case, I'm capable of offering some insightful advice!

Uhh... Both. I mean— I guess.

[ He doesn’t know what he’s asking. He knows what he wants to ask but it’s too awkward to be direct about. He’s floundering inside. ]

Technically... if you put it like that, there are two people. I was only asking about one, the other isn’t here but— general advice would apply to her, too, I guess...

[ He still is plagued by ill feelings for how he broke up with Mai — what happened the last time he saw her... It broke his heart some nights. Other nights he’d lie in bed with her portrait and daydream like she was there to sleep beside him, sorely missing her in a place like this. But he’s not trying to get into all that... He has his deliberate, uncomfortable focus in mind. ]

❰ hmm...what tamaki is getting from this is that zuko's heart is being pulled in two different directions. perhaps a new love interest has arrived on the horizon, in this strange and alien world...but there is someone else he loves back home, who he still yearns for, and yet perhaps absence is not making the heart grow fonder...?

it's a very dramatic thought! but this kind of serious advice requires a very serious mind. ❱

I will tell you, Zuko, that romance is a very broad topic. It's hard to be so general, in fact, when there are so many aspects and types of love I can describe to you! There's such a big difference, for instance, in trying to be romantically appealing in general versus trying to win the heart of one particular person.

❰ tamaki crosses his legs, expression serious; he will do all he can for zuko, but he needs more to work with...details, desires! ❱ You'll have to narrow your scope if you want any kind of advice from me...but once you do, I'm sure I'll have the correct course of action for you!

[ Tamaki’s more on the nose than he knows. Zuko’s life is absolutely that theatrical. He fumbles, breaking eye contact and rubbing the smoothness of his little lighter with his thumb uncomfortably. Of course Tamaki knows about romance broadly, in general; his words are coming through with a slightly different meaning already than is true, due to the twins’ sordid implications. Zuko takes it as truth cuz... why would they lie about that? For someone so close he sure is still gullible. What’s more, his own inexperience makes it hard to be direct about what they’ve told him about Tamaki’s experience... Ugh, he didn’t want to name names... It might be unavoidable. ]

So... H-How do you tell if a friend likes you? And it’s more than a friendship?

[ He pauses, trying to get his bearings to provide some extra detail as requested, but pffft, it’s weird knowing Tamaki would know who he’s talking about. So he’ll tiptoe around it at first to test the waters. ]

I had a girlfriend at home. But she was my sister’s best friend. We’ve known each other since we were kids. And— wow... I guess it... was almost a year ago... We started dating. But it was easy to start because we weren’t friends first and she made all the first moves.

[ God, the length of time they’ve been here just smacked him in the face. It’d been so long since that trip to Ember Island. His heart felt heavy just at the realization and he hadn’t even planned on talking about Mai that much. He shakes the vague expression of grief off his face, meeting Tamaki’s eyes again. ]

But the transition from a friendship to... something more than that... is harder. It’s a grey area. I’ve only ever liked Mai before.

❰ tamaki nods again, face falling into a slightly grim expression. this is actually much deeper and philosophical in nature than tamaki expected, which actually throws him in a way. the base question is much more simple to handle, but the scenario surrounding it...thagt's much more complex. ❱

I hadn't previously thought about this idea...living your life in another world and growing roots, only to be upended by this strange planet. No, of course I knew about that. But when it comes to a relationship being involved...that's something of a tragedy, isn't it?

❰ this is all personal musing, and perhaps it shouldn't have been said out loud...but potentially, it's necessary. ❱ I don't say that to make you feel bad at all. But when it comes to Mai, you're ready to let go of all that in order to pursue something here?

Oh. No, Mai and I broke up months ago when I left the Fire Nation to join the Avatar. It’s been a long time since I saw her. That’s not the problem. But...

[ Another pause, gaze thrown aside. ]

I just mean— I didn’t need to wonder if Mai liked me or not. She was very forward. And we didn’t have much at stake cuz we weren’t really friends beforehand but... Liking a friend feels different. I know we’ll forget everything here when we go home, but— I don’t want my friendship with this person to change while I’m here. And I don’t know how to read the situation. So... I figured... Maybe you knew how to tell if someone you’re already close to likes you back. Like that.

[ He’s going in with the scenario slow and steady. He doesn’t want to just jump into nitty gritty details. Needs a frame. ]

❰ ah, so perhaps it's not as tragic as it seems. it's still a morose thought to tamaki, but one he shoves down and ignores quickly. his ability to avoid thinking about his own personal feelings is his true supreme talent. ❱

In this case, people are all such different individuals. How you show your love and fondness might not be how I do the same -- but do you think it's really so important to know that they feel similarly, or how they feel at all?

What you're so sure of is how you feel yourself...and to be honest about that is an act of courage many underestimate. I believe that if a bond of friendship is true, even if the feelings of romance aren't shared, that comradery won't just go away.

❰ these are his true thoughts and feelings, even if he knows it's not specifically what zuko is looking for. well, he'll throw him a bone: ❱ If I knew who you were speaking of, I might be able to offer more specific insight -- or seek it out, if I don't know them.

[ His words do reach the other prince, feeling particularly stirred by the words “courage” and “camaraderie.” Whether or not Tamaki meant to appeal to the combatant within Zuko, it worked. It was a comfort, even if he didn’t quite answer the question, no. But Tamaki’s own question is less comforting. He’s not admitted who it is to anyone yet. Not even Hikaru. Feels weird going to Tamaki first with this confession... The lighter Zuko only stroked at first was soon spun between his fingers nervously as Tamaki continued. He throws his eyes to the side, flicking at the lighter a couple times just to hear the noise in his short silence, before finally lighting the little flame, which he keeps lowered in his lap. But he turns it to the sides and all about, keeping it lit, eyes now focused on watching the flame dance in his discomfort, and a rasp catches just the start of his voice. He knew Tamaki did not know the mafioso well, but the reality is it may not be so much a surprise as Zuko imagines it is — it was hard to know Zuko and not know about Gokudera in Prismatica. His name was on his lips all the time, it seemed, but in this moment, it burned a little, focus still fixed on the flame between his fingertips. ]

Yeah. You do. ...It’s Gokudera.

❰ it's true, tamaki doesn't know him well. what he does know, he doesn't like. not that he's outwardly discerning to others without an inciting incident; he's been nothing but polite when gokudera has been in their apartment. but he has that gruff, uncivilized demeanor about him that's only slightly less antagonistic than if he were a yakuza's son.

which previously was reason enough to be polite. yakuza might not be savory or ethical people, but they had money, and thus he's familiar with such a son himself.

tamaki's face tilts slightly as he thinks of how to go about appealing to a gangster — he's tried to soften one before, but never really felt inclined to discover what types they might like. but again, romance is so specific, and all he knows about gokudera is the gruff and aggressive demeanor...hmm. ❱

Ah — do you think you might be in danger if he rejects you...? If that's the case, I understand why you might have pause.

"Danger?" No, of course not. Gokudera would never attack me. I'm his best friend! He's my best friend!

[ Zuko's genuinely confused by the suggestion, even knowing far more than Tamaki knows about the threat the frail-looking Italian boy does, indeed, pose. He trusts Gokudera with all his heart. And he feels his heart swell realizing it and admitting it out loud now. They are best friends. Zuko'd never had that person in his life before. There felt so much at stake. As far as he's been informed, the hosts help people with their love problems all the time, play matchmaker, and are good at flirting with people for fun, so... who better to ask than the host club king? ]

❰ okay, so their bond is a true one. in that case, tamaki crosses and uncrosses his legs, content with his final verdict. ❱

Then in that case, and your allegiance is so strong, then what do you think you have to lose? Could a best friend truly turn you away, even if they don't reciprocate your feelings.

❰ he swirls a squat wine glass in one hand — was that always there? don't think about it too hard. and if zuko's concerned, tamaki is not drinking underage, as it's filled with watermelon arizona. ❱ Your worst case scenario is a rejection, and you have to then ask yourself if you can handle the darker side to love. Nursing a wounded heart, and perhaps your price, while being around the person you hold dear frequently.

But in the best case of things, I'm sure you know where all that leads. And that's my personal prediction for you, as long as you maintain your princely charisma throughout the confession.

❰ and by that he means like...being someone's boyfriend. not much more thought put into what happens after that. ❱

But— I don't want to date him! I mean, I don't think I do. I just—

[ Want to kiss his face all over :| that's all. He grumbles, turning away, and flicks a flame on in the lighter he's been fidgeting with in his hand, glaring into it. ]

...I'm just confused. I don't want to confess feelings I don't even know if I understand myself, yet. "Princely charisma" doesn't come naturally to me, Tamaki — and in any case, that isn't Gokudera's style, I don't think. He's a poor kid from the streets of Sicily, he doesn't care about that pomp. And it's not just about if my heart can handle the darker side of love. What about his...? What if he feels like he lost a friend? He's— ...He's a lot like me. We don't have a lot of friends. That's part of why our friendship is so special! I don't want to ruin it just because I'm— [ ~~thirsty~~ ~~horny~~ ] lonely or whatever, y'know? Just for a kiss.

[ He wasn't envisioning becoming so emotional or personal about this... He wanted sterile advice; how could he imagine such a conversation as sterile, though? Now that he's in it, his heart is heavy. And wait, wait, wait, what's this about a kiss, now?! ]

❰ this is definitely becoming way more emotionally tense, which doesn't take tamaki aback so much as it opens his eyes to how passionate zuko can really be. all this to say, this definitely doesn't feel like 'just a kiss' energy. ❱

I think you should understand that your concern for this only speaks to how deeply you truly feel in this situation, but I don't know if it's all warranted.

You know him more than me — don't ask whether or not Gokudera may or may not accept you, but do you think Gokudera would be thinking about this with as much trepidation as you are?

...No. He probably isn't.

[ He says it with some bitterness, flicking the flame off as he releases his thumb from the lighter with a heated glance to the side. After a beat, he looks back to Tamaki with a new intensity. ]

Is it normal for friends to teach friends how to kiss?

❰ if gokudera isn't so trepidatious, that's a good thing as far as tamaki is concerned. but maybe zuko is assuming that he's not thinking about it at all. sad really, but tamaki focuses his attention on the new question posed. ❱

I don't think it's so...abnormal? ❰ that has certainly never been how he, or anyone he knows, frankly, has done things, but he's well aware of romance tropes to know that that's a common one. the image is a little weird to him in practice, though. ❱ But from what I know of how this narrative thread goes, there's usually a hidden romantic agenda underneath it all.

Really?

[ He says it with more excitement than he intended, and immediately makes a face like he recants it... ]

Have, uh— H-Have you done that?

[ You, in all your myriad experience, as Zuko understands it... ]

Of course not.

❰ perhaps that's a little too blunt and rushed, but the thought is way too odd. what are his options — the twins? please. honestly, any host would be a very big No, considering most of them are male. haruhi? while perhaps it is normal to want to kiss a daughter so cute (~~it is not, it is not normal~~), that is completely out of the question. ❱ And anyway, I am the sort of gentleman who wouldn't kiss and tell.

But just because it has not been something I've taken part in, doesn't mean that it isn't a valid prompt to encourage romance to bloom!

...What if he likes someone else, too.

[ He says this more quietly, more flatly, gaze tossed aside awkwardly. ]

A friend of ours... Of his. From home. Who's here. ...And they live together.

[ Oh, Zuko. This just grew a lot more pitiful. This is not normal, either. ]

❰ fear not, for tamaki takes pity on those so hopelessly lost at sea. ❱

Do you have more reason to believe that his heart lies elsewhere, other than he has a roommate he knows? By that logic, my living with the twins would be suspect.

...No. He likes him. He told me. Not in so many words, but— ...Yeah.

[ Yeah... ]

❰ oh my god...way to bury the lede, zuko. time to back up all the way to the beginning here. tamaki gives zuko a very serious face, though it comes with a healthy dose of concern. ❱

Zuko. Do you truly find it worth it, then, to pine over someone who you know likes someone else? And who may not be able to forget them and like you in return? ❰ it's a very genuine question. ❱ Is this the path your and your heart are destined to take?

But can't people like more than one person at once — like you!

[ ???¿ ]

❰ tamaki blinks before he tilts his head to the side, full on golden retriever-mode. after a moment he uses his free hand to tap the side of his head. ❱

I think I may have gotten a bit of tea in my ear somehow. I thought this conversation was about romantic love, but I think I've heard wrong.

❰ with a wide, assuring smile, ❱ I have quite a many friends, but when it comes to love — I don't think there's room in a heart for more than one person. So you must be talking about friendship, after all!

Both. There are blurry lines sometimes. Right?

[ Right? Right? ]

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crawls back here, my memory is rusty so gomen

ojgmeriujns omg you actually did it, hi again lol

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